Make It Count, Dear Lord, Make It Count

I’ve been quiet for awhile. For the past month I’ve been reflective, pensive... Just lost in thought. During this time, I had a dream. It was an odd dream. I don’t place much stock in dreams or their interpretations, unless I’m reading the Old Testament and the accounts of Joseph. Now he had a gift for being able to discern the meaning of a dream and that was a true gift from God.

As a rule, I don’t remember my dreams. I’ve had a few reoccurring dreams and they stay with me. The most recent I’ve dreamed is a variation of one from some time before. In the dream, I’m looking skyward, watching a blimp (but I’m sure in the dream it was a dirigible).

Rigid airships (like the Hindenburg), semi-rigid airships (like the Zeppelin NT), and blimps (like the Goodyear blimp) are all dirigibles. A blimp (technically a “pressure airship”) is a powered, steerable, lighter-than-air vehicle whose shape is maintained by the pressure of the gases within its envelope. From www.airships.net/dirigible.

I’m watching this dirigible floating in the sky when suddenly it loses control. It acts like a balloon full of air that you release from your hand and it begins to zig and zag back and forth across the sky. My breathing quickens and I’m sure I am watching the demise of the airship and all aboard when it plummets toward the earth and makes a rough, but safe landing on the ground. I am running towards the ship and awaken, gasping for air and remembering the vivid details of the dream and wondering why I had this particular dream.

Half the day passes when it finally occurs to me that the symbolism of the dream and recent events in my life are simply telling me that I am not in control. There maybe occurrences when all about me everything seems to be falling apart, there maybe some rough landings, but after it is all said and done, things may return to a semblance of normal. But once you’ve been through a “near miss” things may never be the same again.

On Tuesday, the 17^th, I had a “stress test”. It didn’t go well and they wouldn’t release me until they got a cardiologist in to read the results. On Wednesday, my primary physician called to stay I needed to see a cardiologist sooner than later. With her help I was able to get in to see a cardiologist on Friday.

After meeting with the cardiologist, he explained I have atherosclerosis and an arrhythmia with atherosclerotic calcifications scattered in the aorta. I am now scheduled for a heart catheterization on March 9^th. Depending on the outcome of that will determine if a PET scan will be required. Basically, this is cardio vascular disease and possibly an electrical issue with my heart.

Of more concern, the cardiologist pointed out, is a nodule on my left lung that has increased in size over the past year – from 14 mm to 18 mm. Preliminary reports show this to be adenocarcinoma, at least a minimally invasive subtype. Yes…lung cancer. The cardiologist can do nothing for the nodule.

I saw my primary care physician again on Monday to discuss further treatments and testing as it relates to this aspect of my health care. The doctor explained the different ways to biopsy the node. There are needle biopsies that may or may not get enough of the tissue to make an accurate diagnosis. If that is the case, then they must surgically excise some of the tissue and that means cutting into the body. As we discussed these options, I told her I wanted it out, to have it removed from my body. She agreed with this decision. After it is removed they can test, examine and determine what further course of action is required. She referred me to a specialist who she said is excellent and has a good bedside manner. I have an appointment with him at the Arizona Cancer Clinic on March 17^th to remove the nodule.

I am a former smoker. I cannot be angry about this as I was a willing participant, even though the warnings were abundant as well as previous family medical history. I was aware even when I quit smoking that it was no guarantee that I would never have any effects from the consequences of smoking.

And so it goes… another bump in the road. Another dirigible losing control and careening across the sky. One thing I know for sure, none of this, not one iota is outside the will of God. My prayer? God, make it count! Please see this post bronlea.com for a wonderful post on prayer.

Romans 8: 37-39  But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Writing Down the Memories

Years ago, scratch that… perhaps I should begin this by writing…

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

It wouldn't be original, but the memories are.

It was Christmas 1975. A single mom working a minimum wage nursing assistant job and volunteering for any extra bit of overtime or holiday pay. Even if it meant spending the day apart from daughter.

Daughter was spending the holiday with other family members. I worked day shift at the nursing home that Christmas Day.

Those days, those months, those years all seem to run all together? The poverty years I call them.

Yes, we lived beneath the poverty level. That contrite income indicator the government decided would represent our life. The government also provided us with “helps” such as subsidized housing, food stamps and medical & dental care. I worked full time and still qualified for assistance. I was grateful for the help, exceedingly, abundantly grateful. I remain grateful still for the assistance during that period of time.

It was the Charles Dickens years. You know, the opening phrase from A Tale of Two Cities…

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us…”

The day at the nursing home was like any other day, except this was Christmas Day and the case load was larger than normal, since so many were off this day. Many of the patients were expecting family to visit. The usual course of action meant that the person was awakened, assisted to the bathroom, helped to clean up and get dressed then breakfast was served. Some would eat in their room while others assembled in the solarium.

The excitement was palpable. Some of the patients received visits shortly after breakfast and others anticipated their visit later in the day. So it was with the one gentleman I was assisting that day.

He was usually quiet, stoic but this day his excitement overflowed. His family was coming to visit! He hadn't seen them for some time. I assisted him with freshening up, bathroom time, teeth brushing – all the sundry things that go into our every day preparation, that now require assistance for the aged. He had mentally picked out what he would wear this day and I assisted him with dressing.

Because he was unsure of the time the family would arrive, he ate his dinner in his room. I placed the call button within his reach, set his tray up and told him to ring if he needed anything. When lunch was over I removed his tray and provided him with a warm washcloth to clean up a bit. Then checked to make sure his call button was still accessible.

An hour later he rang. With tears in his eyes he said, “I guess they aren’t coming. I might as well take a nap.” I sat on his bedside and held his hand. I explained to him that I too had a child and was not with her this day. We shared tears. I helped him remove some clothing and got him into bed.

Within 30-minutes he rang again. I responded to his room where his family surrounded him. I asked if they would wait in the hallway while I got him up and into his chair. While getting him up, he was as excited as any child on Christmas Day. “They came,” he said, “my family came!” As I exited his room, his family entered.

An hour later my shift ended and I went back to my government subsidized apartment to await my daughter’s return.

I worked again the next day. The gentleman from the day before was not on my schedule for this day. After the morning rush was over, I stopped in to see him. I wanted to know how the visit went. He was still glowing. We sat and talked for a bit and he grabbed my hand to hold it in his. “Thank you,” he said, “thank you for being here for me.”

The moral of this memory is about the hope his family gave to him on that Christmas Day 40 years ago. As hard and as difficult as it was for his son and his family to travel to the rest home on Christmas Day, it more than likely was the greatest gift this older gentleman had received in his life.

Matthew 25:40 (NKJV)  And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’