Tonight's Televised Special

Tonight will herald the Diane Sawyer – Bruce Jenner interview. I will not be watching. It may be a story of human interest, but frankly, I’m just not interested. Not in Bruce, not his struggles and certainly not the Kardashian Klan.

What does concern me is the loss of life as a boat packed with hundreds of migrants capsized in Mediterranean waters, many were trapped inside behind locked doors. This is nothing short of genocide.

Maltese authorities, who were working with Italian rescuers, said around 50 of 700 people on the boat had been saved. A migrant, who spoke to investigators after being airlifted to a hospital in Catania, was among dozens who authorities say were saved from the sinking vessel. He told investigators there were 950 people on board – a number that hasn’t verified. 

It was the latest in a series of dangerous voyages for hundreds of men, women and children who boarded the boat in Libya, hoping to make it safely to Europe. Passengers on the boat were from a number of nations, including Algeria, Egypt, Somalia, Niger, Senegal, Mali, Zambia, Bangladesh and Ghana, prosecutors said.

According to the International Organization for Migration, Italy registered more than 10,000 migrants arriving in the first three months of 2015, and about 2,000 were rescued at sea during the first weekend of April in the Channel of Sicily.

Most migrants recorded this year come from countries in West Africa as well as Somalia and Syria, the IOM said. They use Libya as a country of transit.

At least 480 migrants have died while crossing the Mediterranean since the beginning of the year, often because of bad weather and overcrowded vessels used by smugglers, the International Organization of Migration said.

Sometimes the captains and crews abandon the ships, leaving passengers to fend for them selves.

Most of the migrants are asylum seekers, victims of trafficking or violence, unaccompanied children and pregnant women.

Dear God? Where are our priorities? And what can I do outside of penning these words?

God my Father, God my Mother – keep my heart soft and in tune to “the least of these” – my brothers and my sisters. Guide me, direct me and show me how I can make a difference in this world.

Even so, Amen.

The Final Analysis

My medical adventure began during the end of January. I had a meet and greet with a new Primary Care Physician who was not happy with test results from the previous year and had them all rerun. It turns out she may be intuitive. All the tests were rerun and there were some changes from the prior year. This resulted in more tests… and on and on.

I have a new primary care physician, a new cardiologist, a new cardiothoracic surgeon, and soon I will have a new oncologist. Do not suspect the worst. This is the best possible outcome, I can assure you.

I met with the cardiothoracic surgeon on Tuesday. All the biopsy results showed the seven lymph nodes that were examined are negative for metastasis. All final surgical margins are negative for malignancy by at least 3.7 cm.

With this being said (and copied directly from the surgical pathology report), the tumor itself was 2.5 cm at its largest point, is a non-small cell lung cancer called adenocarcinoma. It is considered to be at a stage 1B. According to the cardiothoracic surgeon, it is at the size where an oncologist needs to determine if chemotherapy is required or not. If it were smaller, nothing further would be required except for regular checkups.

When Dr. Kim said all the lymph nodes were clear, I responded by saying, “Thank God!” and Dr. Kim responded by saying, “Yes, hallelujah!” I will see him again in October and will have another CT scan before that visit. I will be seeing him on a very regular basis for the next five years.

With all this good news, my only response is that I still wish for the Lord to make this count and that I may honor and glorify my God and my Savior. I have numbness from the spinal anesthesia and it makes wearing a "support garment" uncomfortable - very uncomfortable. I may never wear a bra again, but use a one piece camisole type garment. But again, it is only a temporary set back.

I also learned this week that my primary care physician is leaving her practice effective in July. That means I need to find a new PCP. Finding someone you trust is difficult, but not impossible.

Indeed, “Prayer is one of the deepest forms of relationship with God… and through relationship there can be healing in the absence of cure.” ~Sara Miles

I will remain, “She Who Walks in Faith” and I am extremely grateful for your prayers and your spiritual support. To quote Dr. Kim, “Yes, halleluiah!”

Yours, because we're His,

~Tamara

Warrior Names

My dear friend and sister in faith also had the very same surgery I had. She has graciously shared her knowledge with me, yes, and withheld some until the timing was right. During her health crisis I called her "She Who Walks in Grace" - this was my Warrior name for her as she fought her battle.

Our scars don’t completely match. She has four wounds on the right side, I have five on the left. The surgery we had is VATS (Video-Assisted Thoracoscopic Surgery) is a minimally invasive surgery used for a variety of treatments within the thoracic cavity.  If you’re brave, you can watch it HERE.

Scars aren’t always reminders of trauma — they can be symbols of healing.

Our friend and sister Barbara was "She Who Walks on Prayer". She is now in the presence of our Lord & Savior and is healed completely. 

Indeed, “through relationship (with God) there can be healing in the absence of cure.” ~Sara Miles

It seems I can come up with Warrior names for my sisters, but not for myself... so I asked my FB crew what my Warrior name should. It was a resounding “She Who Walks in Faith”.  But I have a secret. I want you to understand there are times I waiver. Times I feel like I have no faith at all, that I am a fraud and a phony. Times I hide, and weep and feel sorry for myself.  

Then I stop and recall Christ's prayer in Gethsemane... “Father, remove this cup if it be your will...” (Matthew 26:36-39) Then again I read His prayer for us, for us before we were born or were even believers... (John 17:20-25) I remember my prayer about this illness: God, make it count!

Tomorrow I have a chest X-ray and then Tuesday I meet with the surgeon. I shall learn at this meeting what stage the cancer is and if there will be any follow up treatments such a chemo or radiation.

I have good days and I have not so good days. Tiredness seems to be my constant companion, so when I am tired, I nap. If I am in pain, I take the medication. If I am hungry, I eat. If I’m not hungry, I don’t eat.

I wanted instant healing. I wanted to have the cancer removed and to be better immediately. I have learned that with this surgery, although much better and less invasive than all the previous surgeries, it still takes time.

My voice is “strained” as if I have laryngitis. I am assuming it is because of the intubation used during the surgery. As my friend explained it, they use a larger breathing tube. They have to deflate the lung that is being worked on and keep air going to the other lung. That sounds like a very delicate dance.

I have moments when I “feel” like I cannot get enough air and I begin to panic, gasping for air. Well, the upper left lobe has been removed, so of course I don’t use as much air and it will take time to re-learn this process and for that portion of my lung to completely heal.

I suppose it is the American prayer, “Dear God, grant me patience, but do it right now!” Only it would be for healing.

Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

I think of that great cloud of witnesses who surround us. Are they the saints who have gone before us? I believe they are. Will they welcome us when our time comes? I believe they will.

But for now, I must persevere and run the race that is set before me and do so with joy!

Even so, Amen!

Cardiothoracic Surgery

Adenocarcinoma…

     Cancer…

          Nodule…

               Tumor…

                    Mass…

Yeah, dramatic words. Powerful words. Words we don’t wish to hear but sometimes we come face-to-face with them. Depending upon what type of person we are, we deal with this sensory overload in various ways: head on; with tears; with research; with prayer; with screams; with hope or even with anger.

This is cardiothoracic surgery. Video assisted thoracic surgery (VATS), is a minimally invasive (keyhole) surgical procedure. It allows the surgeon to directly examine the chest cavity without a big incision. Three or four small incisions will be made to allow the surgeon to use the special instruments (video camera and endoscope) needed for this operation. A very small video camera is used to project pictures of the chest cavity onto a screen during the procedure.

If interested, you can watch a procedure here: 

After today after my shower, we counted five keyhole openings in the chest wall. It does not involve a large incision and the separation of the rib cage. Yes, there is pain. Yes, there is tiredness. Yes, there is the potential for pneumonia to develop. My upper left lobe was removed during the procedure after the confirmation of cancer was verified.

We are still waiting for the biopsy results to confirm the “stage” of cancer. This will determine the future course of action – radiation treatment or chemo therapy. Or, if it was caught early enough, no further treatment could be required.

In the face of all this, I can say with confidence

“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.”  

2 Corinthians 4:8 New Living Translation

Yes, I have pain. Yes, I am tired. Yes, it is as if I have no voice due to lack of air. Yes, I am praising my Savior and Lord!

No matter the staging results of the biopsy, I will offer my praise, for this I know to be true:

Prayer is one of the deepest forms of relationship with God…and through relationship there can be healing in the absence of cure.  ~Sara Miles

Thank you for your prayers. Please continue!

Yours, because we're His,

Tamara