Sunday, January 20, 2013

To My Son... In Prison

To My Son...
                          In Prison

               There is comfort tonight
knowing you have a place to lay your head, food to eat,
not telling lies about your comings and goings,
the strange calls, people knocking at the door at all hours 

               Trying these past years to know you
to break through the barrier,
to love unconditionally,
accepting the person you have become,
hating that which I was unwilling  or afraid to admit 

I once tried to convince myself I had been given the wrong child 
at birth, that you belonged to some Amish couple of inter-relational 
relations but the evidence is overwhelming

I will miss your innocence and so will you
as you pass from one portal to another 
not having the luxury of touch 
nor the pleasure of scent but only the daily reminder 
of razor wire and what you forfeited for the sake of pleasure 

But for now
you have a place to lay your head, food to eat, no lies to share 
you will be older than you can imagine when you utter freedom 

I mourn
I grieve
and yet I love

~ tamara farner-swerline


  1. I am so sorry Tamara. I can't imagine your pain. Life sure can be so unfair.

    1. I wrote this when he was incarcerated the first time. This is now his second time. I cannot say that life is unfair as it is his acts that have brought him to this end. I love him. I can no longer live with him.

    2. Praying for all of you Tamara. Love and miss you!

  2. Tamara...I cannot fathom your grief, but I hold you through it.
    You have that sweet Mother's love that is unconditional.
    I hold you in my thoughts, in my prayers, and in my constant hopes that all will be well for your son one day and that that day is not so far away.

    1. It is a 'mourning' of sorts. I did write him and he responded. It did not go well. He has a journey in front of him and it is one he must travel alone, or ask Christ to be by his side.

  3. Praying for your son and your family. I could feel the pain and sadness in your words. Sending you much love, big hugs and tons of prayers, xo

  4. I can only imagine what this does to you Tamara. All I can liken this to is my Katie's living situation which I don't understand at all. her choice. It's heartbreaking and I don't understand it. I do know that I am going to have to cut some of the ties though, for my own health and well being. It's hard being a parent. Love and hugs to you.
    Love Di ♥

    1. Hugs to you, too, Lady Di! Parenting is a tough job. I had always envisioned that when he got married, on the eve of the wedding I would present him with a package and inside would be an apron with the strings cut off... a symbolic gesture. There would also be a copy of the children's book, Love You Forever. I now read this copy to his children.

  5. I am sorry for your pain, Tamara. May the Holy Spirit comfort you as only He can.

    1. Thank you Sandy. It is indeed the Holy Spirit that comforts me.


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