Make It Count, Dear Lord, Make It Count

I’ve been quiet for awhile. For the past month I’ve been reflective, pensive... Just lost in thought. During this time, I had a dream. It was an odd dream. I don’t place much stock in dreams or their interpretations, unless I’m reading the Old Testament and the accounts of Joseph. Now he had a gift for being able to discern the meaning of a dream and that was a true gift from God.

As a rule, I don’t remember my dreams. I’ve had a few reoccurring dreams and they stay with me. The most recent I’ve dreamed is a variation of one from some time before. In the dream, I’m looking skyward, watching a blimp (but I’m sure in the dream it was a dirigible).

Rigid airships (like the Hindenburg), semi-rigid airships (like the Zeppelin NT), and blimps (like the Goodyear blimp) are all dirigibles. A blimp (technically a “pressure airship”) is a powered, steerable, lighter-than-air vehicle whose shape is maintained by the pressure of the gases within its envelope. From www.airships.net/dirigible.

I’m watching this dirigible floating in the sky when suddenly it loses control. It acts like a balloon full of air that you release from your hand and it begins to zig and zag back and forth across the sky. My breathing quickens and I’m sure I am watching the demise of the airship and all aboard when it plummets toward the earth and makes a rough, but safe landing on the ground. I am running towards the ship and awaken, gasping for air and remembering the vivid details of the dream and wondering why I had this particular dream.

Half the day passes when it finally occurs to me that the symbolism of the dream and recent events in my life are simply telling me that I am not in control. There maybe occurrences when all about me everything seems to be falling apart, there maybe some rough landings, but after it is all said and done, things may return to a semblance of normal. But once you’ve been through a “near miss” things may never be the same again.

On Tuesday, the 17^th, I had a “stress test”. It didn’t go well and they wouldn’t release me until they got a cardiologist in to read the results. On Wednesday, my primary physician called to stay I needed to see a cardiologist sooner than later. With her help I was able to get in to see a cardiologist on Friday.

After meeting with the cardiologist, he explained I have atherosclerosis and an arrhythmia with atherosclerotic calcifications scattered in the aorta. I am now scheduled for a heart catheterization on March 9^th. Depending on the outcome of that will determine if a PET scan will be required. Basically, this is cardio vascular disease and possibly an electrical issue with my heart.

Of more concern, the cardiologist pointed out, is a nodule on my left lung that has increased in size over the past year – from 14 mm to 18 mm. Preliminary reports show this to be adenocarcinoma, at least a minimally invasive subtype. Yes…lung cancer. The cardiologist can do nothing for the nodule.

I saw my primary care physician again on Monday to discuss further treatments and testing as it relates to this aspect of my health care. The doctor explained the different ways to biopsy the node. There are needle biopsies that may or may not get enough of the tissue to make an accurate diagnosis. If that is the case, then they must surgically excise some of the tissue and that means cutting into the body. As we discussed these options, I told her I wanted it out, to have it removed from my body. She agreed with this decision. After it is removed they can test, examine and determine what further course of action is required. She referred me to a specialist who she said is excellent and has a good bedside manner. I have an appointment with him at the Arizona Cancer Clinic on March 17^th to remove the nodule.

I am a former smoker. I cannot be angry about this as I was a willing participant, even though the warnings were abundant as well as previous family medical history. I was aware even when I quit smoking that it was no guarantee that I would never have any effects from the consequences of smoking.

And so it goes… another bump in the road. Another dirigible losing control and careening across the sky. One thing I know for sure, none of this, not one iota is outside the will of God. My prayer? God, make it count! Please see this post bronlea.com for a wonderful post on prayer.

Romans 8: 37-39  But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.