Vocabulary Words

Nodule…

Mass…

Adenocarcinoma…

Cancer...

New vocabulary words. spoken.to.me. …by three different physicians. And icy hands grasp my heart and squeeze until I feel like I can no longer breathe. BREATHE.BREATHE. Take a breath…and don’t forget to exhale. Slowly. Wrap your head around this diagnosis…and your heart, don’t forget to include your heart…don’t forget to use your brain, your logic, your reason.

And don’t forget…it’s not just about you. YES it is just about me. What about husband? And daughter? And son? And mother? And brothers? And my job? AND…AND…AND…

How long does one sit on one’s Pity Pot before the call to action comes? How long do we wallow in self pity and muck and mire? Is the call to “fear not” different from the commercialized slogan of “no fear”?

Matthew 14:22-33

Then Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead to the other side of the lake, while he sent the people away. After sending the people away, he went up a hill by himself to pray. When evening came, Jesus was there alone; and by this time the boat was far out in the lake, tossed about by the waves, because the wind was blowing against it.

Between three and six o'clock in the morning Jesus came to the disciples, walking on the water. When they saw him walking on the water, they were terrified. “It's a ghost!” they said, and screamed with fear.

Jesus spoke to them at once. “Courage!” he said. “It is I. Don't be afraid!”

Then Peter spoke up. “Lord, if it is really you, order me to come out on the water to you.”

“Come!” answered Jesus. So Peter got out of the boat and started walking on the water to Jesus. But when he noticed the strong wind, he was afraid and started to sink down in the water. “Save me, Lord!” he cried.

At once Jesus reached out and grabbed hold of him and said, “What little faith you have! Why did you doubt?”

They both got into the boat, and the wind died down. Then the disciples in the boat worshiped Jesus. “Truly you are the Son of God!” they exclaimed.

Lord, Lord? I lift my hand to you, pull me from the muck and mire so that I, too, may claim “Truly you are the Son of God!” But… but… what happens in the absence of a cure? Does that mean you are not the Son of God? Or I am somehow not worthy of healing? Do I not have enough faith?

Author Sara Miles wrote, “Prayer is one of the deepest forms of relationship with God…and through relationship there can be healing in the absence of cure.”

The saga has begun. Surgery is scheduled for April 2^nd. This Tuesday I will be having a pulmonary function test. Wednesday it is a PET scan. A positron emission tomography (PET) scan is an imaging test that allows doctors to check for disease in your body. The scan uses radioactive tracers in a special dye. These tracers are injected into a vein in your arm and are then absorbed by your organs and tissues.

I continue to learn. Learn about things in which I once held no interest. Learning is good. Learning is active participation.

Here is the most important thing I’ve learned thus far: Have a good network of persons who will be your prayer warriors. And I do.

There have been occasions when I have been one of many who had prayed for persons and they have said, "I could literally 'feel' your prayers." I thought that was 'hooey', but just this morning I was overcome with such a sense of calm & peace... I know, that I know, that I know - this is the power of prayer!

I can say with confidence, I am not afraid. That does not mean that at some point I will not waver when entering that tube for the PET scan, or laying on a surgical table find that my heart is pounding faster. What I know is this - God's got this and I am asking God to “make it count.” Indeed, Abba, Father, “make it count.”

From this point forward, my posts maybe fewer. Since the end of January, I’ve had 14 medical/testing appointments. I share this not to gain your pity or sympathy, but as you think of me, please pray. Pray for God’s will. Pray that this entire event will have counted in the scope of eternity. Pray that I am able to Praise God through the storm…in spite of the storm.

I will leave you with a question: How just and righteous would God be if he only allowed “bad things” to happen to unbelievers? Perhaps he allows bad things to happen to believers so that others may see a bit of His glory. I certainly did with my friend “B”. In the absence of healing, I pray to be a vessel like she was. I pray my vessel, my pot of clay is cracked…fractured, so that all the contents may overflow, be spilled out and brush glimpses of glory to those who come into contact with it. 

Even so, Amen.

Further Updates on Retirement

Last Friday was the final day of working for the Arizona Department of Corrections. After 19 years of service, it was time to retire. Oh yes, I could have continued to work but now that we’ve downsized, sold our home and paid off the outstanding debts there is no necessity to do so.
 
The church we are attending had advertised for a Membership Secretary, so I applied. The job is part time, Monday – Thursday and consists of five hours a day – 10 am – 3 pm. I was offered the job and I am looking forward to working at and for the church beginning on Monday, September 9th.

I somehow believe the stress level will most certainly be different than that of working in a state prison. Oh, not that there won’t be any stress but if there is, it will be different than the pressing and urgent stress associated with prison.

An example of that stress was today’s news of Ariel Castro - the kidnapper, rapist who held three women hostage in Cleveland Ohio for a decade and his death by suicide in an Ohio prison. I couldn't help but think of the staff and officers to whose custody he was entrusted. The internal investigations that most assuredly will occur; answering to the Governor on how this could have happened; and then dealing with the aftermath of headline news and his family’s inquires could in all probability end in a wrongful death lawsuit. He was serving a life sentence plus 1,000 years to eliminate any possibility of parole.

I also feel bad for his family members who have suffered with the crimes this man committed. When you have family incarcerated, you yourself in some measure are doing that time with them. This I know to be true, so very true.

The three female victims of Castro’s crime had no comment regarding his suicide. I admire them for that. They could have been as course as most of the persons on Facebook have been. These women choose to rise above the circumstance of his suicide and remain silent. They have displayed an extreme measure of grace and dignity.

As for the retirement, the first thing I did was to delete the alarm on my cell phone that was set to 5:30 am Monday through Friday. I usually turned the alarm off as I awoke before that time, in anticipation I would suppose. What I am finding is that I am sleeping in until at least 6:30 or sometimes even 7:30 am daily!

I’ve been researching “Once a Month Freezer Recipes” for the crockpot. One site I found had recipes for five days AND includes the shopping list! I’m excited! In case you are interested, you can find the website here: 5 Crockpot Freezer Recipes with Shopping List. I may make adjustment since there are only the two of us, but in theory, it sure sounds good! Oh and this site has four more different sub-sites with five more recipes each for a whopping total of 25! That covers a month of eating at home with a few meals out, if one desires or different non crockpot meals.

We live very close to the Davis-Monthan AFB. There have been numerous protests surrounding this nation’s possible retaliation in Syria over the gassing of the rebel citizens, to include their children. Those pictures as shown on national television were horrific, to say the least. On a personal note, I am against our nation retaliating. Is the taking of more lives, to include more children as victims of war / conflict an acceptable loss? No it is not. It is the function of the United Nations to be the peacekeepers or the force of retaliation and thus to seek other nations assistance in that act.

Under the United Nations Charter, the functions and powers of the Security Council are:

·       to maintain international peace and security in accordance with the principles and purposes of the United Nations;

·       to investigate any dispute or situation which might lead to international friction;

·       to recommend methods of adjusting such disputes or the terms of settlement;

·       to formulate plans for the establishment of a system to regulate armaments;

·       to determine the existence of a threat to the peace or act of aggression and to recommend what action should be taken;

·       to call on Members to apply economic sanctions and other measures not involving the use of force to prevent or stop aggression;

·       to take military action against an aggressor;

·       to recommend the admission of new Members;

·       to exercise the trusteeship functions of the United Nations in "strategic areas";

·       to recommend to the General Assembly the appointment of the Secretary-General and, together with the Assembly, to elect the Judges of the International Court of Justice.

For more information, consult the list of selected articles of the UN Charter related to the Security Council.

For us, we should suspend foreign aid and apply sanctions. We need to suspend our current practice of providing these rebels with arms and financial support to overthrow their government in the hope they will become a more democratic nation. This area of the world has been in turmoil for much longer than this country has been a nation. Who are we to think that a democracy is for every nation and then to try and establish it for them or with our assistance?

We can come to no amicable solution on our own national concerns over the right to own and / or purchase weapons. Let us take care of our own issues at home and ensure our own children and their instructors are safe and secure in the confines of their educational institutions.  Until our nation ensures no child goes to bed hungry, we have no right to interfere in another part of the world.

Mark 3:25 (NIV) clearly says:

²⁵ If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

We are a nation divided. Few see U.S. Military Action discouraging chemical weapons use in Syria.

President Obama faces an uphill battle in making the case for U.S. military action in Syria. By a 48% to 29% margin, more Americans oppose than support conducting military airstrikes against Syria in response to reports that the Syrian government used chemical weapons. (This published September 3rd by the Pew Research Center (Public Opinion Runs Against Syrian Airstrikes | Pew Research Center for the People and the Press).

OK, OK… I will put my soapbox away (for now). Just don’t be surprised if I end up at a protest rally! (Think of An American Tail and Madeline Kahn as the voice of Gussie Mausheimer saying, “Wets have a Wowie!”)

I believe I mentioned last post of the difficulties I’d been having on Google Chrome and of all the popup advertisements that were interfering with surfing the web or trying to blog. They were ads saying this program is outdated and requires updating or this one or that one… what we found was this was happening due to the recent update to Google Chrome &  Internet Explorer. Husband uninstalled and went back to the older version. Problem solved, at least with Internet Explorer. I have yet to reinstall Goggle Chrome.

So that’s it for this installment, blessings to you until next time.

Simply yours,

Tamara

P.S. Psalm 34:14 (NIV)
Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.
 

 

BRING THE SPRING

Psalm 1:3

New Living Translation

³ They are like trees planted along the riverbank,
bearing fruit each season.
Their leaves never wither,
and they prosper in all they do.

Perhaps you noticed the more colorful blog background. I need color… I need spring… I need the joy of the Lord to fill my soul. Therefore, beginning today I am going to expound upon the positive and minimize (but not ignore) the negative. Oh, this does not mean that I am going to be wearing 'rose colored glasses' but as long as it is possible, I will seek to find the good in life. I choose to live a life of dignity and grace.

No one, not one person wants to read a sad and depressing article, letter or blog! We need articles and information that help to build us up and now bring us down. Amen?

I received my feedburner update from Julie Gillies blog and it was timely indeed!

Tamara

Viva la Memories!

I grew up in an extended family. My mother’s mother (my Nanny) lived with us.  That was a common occurrence back then, but no longer is the norm in our society.   

I also remember older women as friends of the family.  Often they were widows.  One woman in particular that I remember was Viva (pronounced VI – va).  Viva LaRue Schott.  She was a woman of strength and dignity. 

Cha-cha-cha-changes!

Have you noticed how often I change the backgrounds to this blog?  I get it to a point then think perhaps I'll tweak it a bit, then end up scrapping the whole thing for something new.  I suppose it is a lot like dressing each day.  A different day, a different outfit.  For now, for this moment in time - I have selected Black & White!

In my line of work (state service) we have a number of policies and procedures.  They are to help guide us and to keep us from doing something that would cause embarrassment or even criminal charges.  There are a number of them and if placed end to end with the Bible, I'm sure it would exceed the number of words in the Word of God.  

Some people find the policies and procedures restrictive and consider them to be "suggestions" rather than what they were intended for.  I happen to like policy and procedure - everything in 'black & white' - no grey areas.  And it is available to all employees.

Like the Word of God, however, you have to read them to know them.  That is time consuming.  All too often we hear, "But I didn't know that was in policy!"  Does that excuse the infraction?  By no means.  Sometimes employees have even been dismissed due to the severity of their actions. 

The wonderful part of God's Word and work is Grace.  The marvelous Grace that that attends our soul.  That is not to say that we do not have to suffer the consequences of our actions or our non action.  It merely means that we can be forgiven and then covered with a mantel of Grace.  Grace, however, is no license for continued defiance against the Word of God.  This makes me think of the old hymn "Wonderful Grace of Jesus" which is now swirling about my head in four-part harmony!

Wonderful grace of Jesus,

Greater than all my sin;
How shall my tongue describe it,
Where shall its praise begin?
Taking away my burden,
Setting my spirit free;
For the wonderful grace of Jesus reaches me.

Refrain

Wonderful the matchless grace of Jesus,
Deeper than the mighty rolling sea;
Wonderful grace, all sufficient for me, for even me.
Broader than the scope of my transgressions,
Greater far than all my sin and shame,
O magnify the precious Name of Jesus.
Praise His Name!

Wonderful grace of Jesus,
Reaching to all the lost,
By it I have been pardoned,
Saved to the uttermost,
Chains have been torn asunder,
Giving me liberty;
For the wonderful grace of Jesus reaches me.

Refrain

Wonderful grace of Jesus,
Reaching the most defiled,
By its transforming power,
Making him God’s dear child,
Purchasing peace and heaven,
For all eternity;
And the wonderful grace of Jesus reaches me.

Refrain

This hymn was written by Haldor Lillenas in 1918.

So there it is the reason I am in Black & White today.  And maybe for tomorrow, and the next day...

May your day be blessed,

Tamara

Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)
28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Stones of Remembrance

Genesis 28:17-19 New American Standard Bible

17 He was afraid and said, “How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven.” 18 So Jacob rose early in the morning, and took the stone that he had put under his head and set it up as a pillar and poured oil on its top. 19 He called the name of that place Bethel; however, previously the name of the city had been Luz.

In the old testament scriptures, stones were set out as a memorial for something important and as noted above, Jacob poured oil on the top of the stone.  He anointed it. 

Today, I too have anointed my stone of remembrance.  It has been two years since the heart attack and the same amount of time since I've had a cigarette.  All my recent lab work came back within good ranges. My cholesterol levels are within range and it has been one year since I've taken any 'heart' medications. I only take a low dose aspirin daily.  I'm sure I'll be seeing the cardiologist soon, I'm just waiting to see when they set it up. I'll probably need the dreaded stress test - so aptly named.

Now, before this begins to sound like 'happily ever after' I do confess to having bouts of really wanting to smoke a cigarette. But I don't, thank God. I simply think back to the quality time I spent with Jesus in the MedEvac helicopter and the first two weeks of going cold turkey. I don't want to have to do that again, ever!

The exercise has gone by the wayside and it shows. I need to begin a walking regime again. I did have an occasion where I was transported to the hospital from work - a bit of a fainting spell. Alright, two - I had two near episodes where I had to lay down on the floor before I fell down.  The verdict was dehydration and low protein levels. 

I was going great guns on trying to become vegetarian.  Too well, evidently.  So the carnivore in me has reemerged. But tempered. I'm also using a protein powder and making healthy smoothies with frozen berries, vanilla yogurt and a banana thinned out with orange juice!

On Wednesday of this week, my husband will be having a procedure to manually extract a 12 mm kidney stone. As I understand it, they will try to break it into a manageable size and then place a stent in his kidney. Eventually the stent will need to be removed.

We, the aging Baby Boomers are having health concerns! Thank God for medical insurance and the ability for me to take time off work to assist Dennis with his issues.

And so I pray:

Abba, Father ~thank You for Your provisions and for Your grace.  Thank You for allowing us the privelidge of living where we do and for the benefits provided through my employment. Be with us as we begin to experience health concerns and issues. In Jesus' name I pray ~AMEN!

because we're His,

Memorial Day 2011

Luke 7:1-10 (NRSV)

After Jesus had finished all his sayings in the hearing of the people, he entered Capernaum. A centurion there had a slave whom he valued highly, and who was ill and close to death. When he heard about Jesus, he sent some Jewish elders to him, asking him to come and heal his slave. When they came to Jesus, they appealed to him earnestly, saying, "He is worthy of having you do this for him, for he loves our people, and it is he who built our synagogue for us."

And Jesus went with them, but when he was not far from the house, the centurion sent friends to say to him, "Lord, do not trouble yourself, for I am not worthy to have you come under my roof; therefore I did not presume to come to you. But only speak the word, and let my servant be healed. For I also am a man set under authority, with soldiers under me; and I say to one, 'Go,' and he goes, and to another, 'Come,' and he comes, and to my slave, 'Do this,' and the slave does it."

When Jesus heard this he was amazed at him, and turning to the crowd that followed him, he said, "I tell you, not even in Israel have I found such faith." When those who had been sent returned to the house, they found the slave in good health.

In Jesus' day, Jews did not enter into the homes of Gentiles. The centurion knew this, so he was being considerate of Jesus in saying, "I do not deserve to have you come under my roof . . . just say the word, and my servant will be healed." Isn't it amazing that this Roman had such faith in Jesus?

Further, when Jesus "healed the sick", it no where mentions that He healed 'some of the sick' or only those who had 'enough faith'. Not the 'righteous'. Not the 'deserving' among the sick.  But "the sick."

Each time Jesus healed, knowing the person's heart and mind, He had to forgive not only the past sins but those in the future too. 

I find this comforting. He heals me, too. Of my past sins and of my future sins.  May I live in accordance with what it is I believe!

Now, back to our Centurion - and to our soldiers of today: to those who are under the 'authority' of a commander and carry out the orders they are given.  Bless you! And may you be reunited with your loved ones soon.

My prayer:

Abba, Father~ hear my prayer! Help us to watch over your children near and far.  Help us to work for a world where wars end and soldiers fight no more. ~Amen.

Yours, because we're His,

Today's Devotional Scripture

Today's Verse

Though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.

~2 Corinthians 4:16

Thoughts on today's verse...

The story is told of a little boy who watches his grandmother sit and read the Bible every day. When a friend asks him what she's doing, he replys, "She's cramming for finals!" As cute as the story maybe, the reality is that our outward man is perishing. My friends, life is terminal and none of us are getting out alive, should the Lord tarry.

'Aging ain't for sissys' has been attributed to Bette Davis and it's true. My body used to be my friend, then I hit fifty and low and behold, my body got a mind of its own and decided that parts of it would travel to places they didn't belong! Menopause was 'interesting,' need I say more? I refused to call them hot flashes and much preferred to call them 'power surges'.

For the past three years now at my annual eye exam, my eyes have changed so dramatically that I've needed to purchase new glasses. I love it when the doctor covers one eye and says, 'read the lowest line you can see.' I usually say, "I think it's an E, I think it's an L... I can't see the next... but I'm sure the next one is a T" Ah... the mysteries of aging.

Yet through all of these changing aspects of my aging and body changes, I've found a few profound truths. It is OK for us women to laugh at ourselves about our changing bodies and our changing roles in society. I've learned that I have some very dear friends and these are the ones I can count on when times get rough. I think this is where I should publically thank Roxanne for coming to my rescue at the emergency room when I had my heart attack. Thank you Rox! I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciated your being there with me, especially when my husband was out of town. And for your praying with and for me before they packed me into the helicopter.

And like the story at the beginning of the blog, I am reading the Bible more. I also find that I listen for the voice of God, even when it is a 'small, still voice' in the dark of night. My prayer is that I age with grace and dignity.

My prayer...

Well Lord, here we are in the fall of my life (or is it the beginning of winter?). It's been quite a ride, hasn't it? Thank You so much for my friends, the ones here and the ones in blog land. They truly are a gift from You. I pray Father, that I may encourage them as much as they encourage me. Thank You too, for the wisdom that comes with aging and that You have given me the ability to speak the truth. It's in Jesus' name I pray ~Amen!

Yours, because we're His,

Tamara