Sunday, April 19, 2015

Warrior Names

My dear friend and sister in faith also had the very same surgery I had. She has graciously shared her knowledge with me, yes, and withheld some until the timing was right. During her health crisis I called her "She Who Walks in Grace" - this was my Warrior name for her as she fought her battle.

Our scars don’t completely match. She has four wounds on the right side, I have five on the left. The surgery we had is VATS (Video-Assisted Thoracoscopic Surgery) is a minimally invasive surgery used for a variety of treatments within the thoracic cavity.  If you’re brave, you can watch it HERE.

Scars aren’t always reminders of trauma — they can be symbols of healing.


Our friend and sister Barbara was "She Who Walks on Prayer". She is now in the presence of our Lord & Savior and is healed completely. 

Indeed, “through relationship (with God) there can be healing in the absence of cure.” ~Sara Miles


It seems I can come up with Warrior names for my sisters, but not for myself... so I asked my FB crew what my Warrior name should. It was a resounding “She Who Walks in Faith”.  But I have a secret. I want you to understand there are times I waiver. Times I feel like I have no faith at all, that I am a fraud and a phony. Times I hide, and weep and feel sorry for myself.  

Then I stop and recall Christ's prayer in Gethsemane... “Father, remove this cup if it be your will...” (Matthew 26:36-39) Then again I read His prayer for us, for us before we were born or were even believers... (John 17:20-25) I remember my prayer about this illness: God, make it count!

Tomorrow I have a chest X-ray and then Tuesday I meet with the surgeon. I shall learn at this meeting what stage the cancer is and if there will be any follow up treatments such a chemo or radiation.

I have good days and I have not so good days. Tiredness seems to be my constant companion, so when I am tired, I nap. If I am in pain, I take the medication. If I am hungry, I eat. If I’m not hungry, I don’t eat.

I wanted instant healing. I wanted to have the cancer removed and to be better immediately. I have learned that with this surgery, although much better and less invasive than all the previous surgeries, it still takes time.

My voice is “strained” as if I have laryngitis. I am assuming it is because of the intubation used during the surgery. As my friend explained it, they use a larger breathing tube. They have to deflate the lung that is being worked on and keep air going to the other lung. That sounds like a very delicate dance.

I have moments when I “feel” like I cannot get enough air and I begin to panic, gasping for air. Well, the upper left lobe has been removed, so of course I don’t use as much air and it will take time to re-learn this process and for that portion of my lung to completely heal.
I suppose it is the American prayer, “Dear God, grant me patience, but do it right now!” Only it would be for healing.

Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

I think of that great cloud of witnesses who surround us. Are they the saints who have gone before us? I believe they are. Will they welcome us when our time comes? I believe they will.

But for now, I must persevere and run the race that is set before me and do so with joy!

Even so, Amen!