Tears and Fears and the Providence of God

I am spending this Sunday afternoon alone. Dennis is driving Zachary and his two older brothers back home. His brothers were here visiting their family in the area and so it served the purpose well that Dennis drive them all back together. That is a trip of two hours one way. I stayed behind because I needed to complete laundry and begin packing for this week’s training. And also because I’ve been on the verge of tears all weekend. I think I’m sitting on my Pity Pot. I just need to remember to flush… 

Dennis and I recently committed to going on The Walk to Emmaus. The Walk to Emmaus is a spiritual renewal program intended to strengthen the local church through the development of Christian disciples and leaders. The program's approach seriously considers the model of Christ's servanthood and encourages Christ's disciples to act in ways appropriate to being "a servant of all." 

Our event is scheduled in latter March. Honestly, it appears as if everything is and has been conspiring against us in this endeavor. We’ve been asked for a number of years to participate, but we always found a reason (read excuse here) not to. However, with recent family turmoil and events we felt it was time. Time to step out in faith and perhaps to receive a “word” from the Lord on what direction we are to take and what definitive steps we are to follow.

After determining to attend this event, we went to see a move called “The Way.” The Way is a powerful and inspirational story about family, friends, and the challenges we face while navigating this ever-changing and complicated world. Martin Sheen plays Tom, an American doctor who comes to St. Jean Pied de Port, France to collect the remains of his adult son (played by Emilio Estevez), killed in the Pyrenees in a storm while walking the Camino de Santiago, also known as The Way of Saint James. Rather than return home, Tom decides to embark on the historical pilgrimage to honor his son's desire to finish the journey. What Tom doesn't plan on is the profound impact the journey will have on him and his life. Through Tom's unresolved relationship with his son, he discovers the difference between "the life we live and the life we choose."

THE WAY was written and directed by Emilio Estevez and was filmed entirely in Spain and France along the actual Camino de Santiago. The scenes are breathtaking.

I heartily recommend the movie and it’s a three tissue event. Frankly, I needed a good cry. It was also a confirmation to me that indeed, we were to attend The Walk to Emmaus – another spiritual pilgrimage of sorts.

I probably won't be updating until I return from training, so have a wonderful week.

Luke 24:32New American Standard Version
 

They said to one another, “Were not our hearts burning within us while He was speaking to us on the road, while He was explaining the Scriptures to us?”

Tamara

Weekend Events

This coming week entails traveling to Phoenix for training. The plan is to leave on Tuesday, the 31^st and the training will last until Friday, the 3^rd. Four of us will be traveling and staying in the same motel.   

I’ve printed out all the training materials and policies and feel as if I’ve killed at least an entire tree. All this to become an Equal Employment Opportunity Liaison for those staff who may have a complaint or questions regarding the law and our agency policies that govern said behavior or misbehavior.

But for now, I have the weekend. A long weekend as I took Friday off. Dennis and I traveled to Tucson for dental appointments. I had a very good exam and cleaning and it appears the investment in the sonic toothbrush has paid off! Minimal buildup and scaling! At least that’s how it worked out for me. Dennis’ appointment wasn’t quite as good. He has some serious decisions to make regarding his dental care.

We took the ‘long way’ home and stopped to pick up our grandson Zachary for the weekend. I was up early this morning cleaning veggies and fruit for the weekend. He already told his Gam’Pa he wants dippy eggs for breakfast with toast AND waffles AND bacon! In our home, Dennis is the breakfast maker.

I’m planning on making my homemade mac and cheese only it will be more like noodles Alfredo with some broccoli thrown in for good measure. I’m not sure if I want to begin the brownies now our wait for Zachary to wake up and help – decisions, decisions. I will prepare the homemade ice cream mix – it’s always good to have that ready to go in the refrigerator.

I have all the blueberries, red grapes, broccoli, cauliflower, celery and carrots cleaned and ready to go. My hands are prune-y from being water logged, but that’s a small price to pay for eating well and fixing things I know he likes to eat at Gam’Ma’s.

Dennis has made an appointment to visit our son in jail this afternoon. I will not be going nor do I wish for Zachary to see his father like that. Remember, I work in prison and it is and has always been difficult for me to see the small children who come to visit their parents in this environment.

Zachary said a few things yesterday that were difficult to hear and it showed the level of hurt and anger this little four year old is feeling. His mom shared that he told her that his dad is dead and then he (and she) cried and cried about it. His mom said he’s begun sucking his thumb again, has even wet the bed and is angry all the time. I talked to his mom about finding some counseling for him, but she is without insurance and they live in such a rural area I don’t know if it will be possible. Zachary told us on the way home that, “My Dad broke my Mom’s heart.” I wanted to cry…

I don’t understand how this generation cannot think through the consequences of their actions or of the innocents they leave in their wake.

In the meantime, Dennis and I will be loving and hugging on Zachary. We will reassure him that he is loved by us, by his mother and by his father and most assuredly by God.

Proverbs 31:9

New American Standard Bible

⁹ Open your mouth, judge righteously,
and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy.

Tamara

Proverbs 11:30 (New International Version)
30 The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and the one who is wise saves lives.

Winter was difficult here in the Southwest. Freeze and thaw, freeze and thaw… I don’t recall how many times that happened this past winter but it took a toll on trees in our area. We contracted with a professional tree trimmer who came this week and fell our eucalyptus tree. We’d had the fast growing tree for 15 years, had it ‘topped’ at least twice and it was still probably close to 40 feet tall. It was a difficult decision to make, but it was more dangerous to let her stand. (Why have I given the tree a feminine pronoun?)

The tree doctor and his assistant came at 6 a.m. to begin their work. I left for work early as I knew I would fret and mourn the loss of this tree and its shade – a valuable commodity here in Arizona. Even though the tree did not produce leaves this year and was obviously dead, it was still a difficult (and let’s not forget pricey) decision.

So the contractor began laying out his equipment. The saws, the ropes, the harnesses, the safety belts and the spikes for his boots… That’s when I saw him, he placed the safety belt/harness around the tree, then held the tree with both hands, bowed his head and prayed. I was amazed and comforted!

I left for work and at the end of the day dreaded what I would find (or better - not find) in my back yard when I returned home. The contractor cleaned up so well and even stacked the wood for our later use in the fire pit. The tree trunk was level to the ground. My husband Dennis had planted some geraniums around the patio, moved the Mexican clay chiminea to a new spot and had moved the water fountain to a new spot where I can sit on the patio and look and listen to it.

Dennis said the tree doctor found three nests in the tree – two old and unused and one that still had eggs in it. He said the tree doctor prayed over the nest before removing it. We had some Mourning Doves that we’re thinking were the eggs owners/family.

I am comforted by the fact the birds are still visiting what we had deliberately designed as a sanctuary for them and for the care, comfort and concern of our contractor! What a blessing in spite of loss. The remaining portion of the tree trunk is now holding a bird bath.

And so I pray:

Abba, Father – thank you for Your provision in not only the tree but in also leading us to the right contractor for its removal. Thank you that it was only one tree that needed to be removed and not the other two in addition. May our back yard be a place of respite and comfort for our grandchildren and for the birds that come to feed. In Jesus’ name I pray ~AMEN!

Yours, because we’re His,

Weekend Edition

Today's Scripture Verses
John 14:2-4 from the New American Standard Bible

"In My Father's house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also. And you know the way where I am going."

1 Corinthians 2:6-10 from the Message

We, of course, have plenty of wisdom to pass on to you once you get your feet on firm spiritual ground, but it's not popular wisdom, the fashionable wisdom of high-priced experts that will be out-of-date in a year or so. God's wisdom is something mysterious that goes deep into the interior of his purposes. You don't find it lying around on the surface. It's not the latest message, but more like the oldest—what God determined as the way to bring out his best in us, long before we ever arrived on the scene. The experts of our day haven't a clue about what this eternal plan is. If they had, they wouldn't have killed the Master of the God-designed life on a cross. That's why we have this Scripture text:

No one's ever seen or heard anything like this,

Never so much as imagined anything quite like it—

What God has arranged for those who love him.

But you've seen and heard it because God by his Spirit has brought it all out into the open before you.

1 Corinthians 2:9 From the New International Version (NIV)

However, as it is written:  "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."

Thoughts on todays scripture

God has prepared, has arranged a place for those who love Him. So would it be safe to say that heaven is a prepared place for a prepared people?  Think about it - there are many, many things in life that people prepare for.  A high school prom or dance, a wedding, a higher education for a specific career.  Saving for that "rainy day" and preparing for retirement and sometimes even advance preparations for our final departure (we so hate to say death and even I prefer to refer to it as the ultimate Passover). 

Unfortunately, more often than not, we expect that God is preparing for us our home, our eternal destination.  But what are we preparing for?  Are we becoming more Christ-like?  Are we studying the Word and applying it to our everyday life?  Are we being set apart for His ultimate use?  Understand, I'm not accusing, I'm merely questioning, and even at that, it is mostly questions I'm posing to myself.

Today, after being in "the market place" I began to wonder about some things.  Things such as, "when did it become socially acceptable for women to wear pajama bottoms and slippers in public?" And why are women using such unseemly speech?  Trust me, I work in a prison environment and I hear a lot of course language from not only the inmates and staff, but often it comes from women who seem to want to have to prove something.  And that something seems to be "I'm just a qualified as any man, see?  I can even use this language to prove the point and drive it home." 

And cell phone use in public and in automobiles.  Has it's use become more than that of a convenient tool, but that of a measue of popularity?  Seriously, I look at those in the store with the bluetooth technology stuck in their ear and I'm ever so reminded of the early Star Trek with Lt. Uhura's similar appratus stuck in her ear.  And let's be honest - how often do we hear a cell phone going off in church or worse, observe someone texting? 

But I digress.  The topic was that of preparation, His and ours.  In some of the blogs I've read this week, some very dear loved ones have made the trek home, to that place that was lovingly prepared for them.  Even though the thought of them 'passing over' causes grief and heartbreak we can trust the One who loves them best to know when the time is right.  I know some of you are experiencing this loss and my heart goes out to you.  May the God of all comfort surround you with His love and His peace.

Yours, because we're His,

~Tamara