Saturday, November 12, 2011

Leaving a Legacy

Recently I began another blog.  It isn’t an open blog for just ‘everyone’.  It is quite private and for my children and possibly even my grandchildren.  I will leave the information for my children with all the other info for end of life.  It’s not for now, but for later. 

I call it, quite simply, Letters to my Children.  Frankly, life is terminal. Life is short. And often persons say, "if only I had known..." So I'm going to chronicle things I want to say to both of my children on this blog.

It is where I am attempting to write down those things I want them to know. Things they did when they were little, accomplishments that made me so proud and filled with awe.  About what a fierce love it is a mother has for their child.

It's about my feelings on mothering and perhaps even about being a grandmother.  For my son, quite possibly it will be about “how to treat a wife” or what to do vs. what not to do if you ever expect to get married and have it work.

I believe it was Bette Davis who said, “Old age ain’t for Sissies.” And as true as that is, parenting isn’t for sissies either.  It takes stamina, determination, love, discipline and prayer.  Lots and lots of prayer. And lots and lots of unconditional love!  Oh, and did I mention the tears? There are a lot of them, too! 

Susanna Wesley, mother of John and Charles (and eight other surviving children) was know to throw her apron over her head when things got a bit tense and her children would quite down, knowing that she was before the Lord in prayer.  

Years ago, we had neighbors who struggled with infertility.  I received a letter from Catholic Adoption Services questioning me on how I felt they would be as parents.  I believe I wrote them a letter of epic proportion!   

I indicated to the agency that I too, had been an adopted child, albeit through private arrangements and family ties.  My adoptive parents didn’t have to go through the rigors of questions such as this.  Persons who easily conceive and give birth are not subjected to such questions.  Some of the aforementioned groups should not have children as evidenced by statistics on child abuse and exploitation.  But that’s another blog for another time.

I often wonder what memories my children hold of growing up.  I hope they have more good memories than bad ones.  I hope they can focus on the good and not on the bad.  We had days of plenty and then we had the lean times.  Sometimes I miss the lean times as I think we were closer then.  Struggling, yes, but for the common good of  F::A::M::I::L::Y. 

We weren’t church goers until our son and daughter were 4 and 14, respectively.  Yes… there’s an almost 10-year difference in their ages.  (God knew my limitations!) 

Then, more often than naught, we would align ourselves with these small little churches that had an elderly population and no children’s programs.  Looking back, that was wrong of us.  We should have sought out churches that could minister to our children and include them in worship. 

And so, this is where I’ve been lately: jotting down memories and treasures that I hope one day will be read by my children and their children. 

Proverbs 31:25-27 (NKJ)

25 Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.



  1. Tamara....what a wonderful idea to have the private blog to write to and for your children and grandchildren. I love that idea!!!
    And....I would like to make a comment about one statement of yours. I hope that you don't mind. It's just the way that I feel, and I wanted to share my feelings with you.
    You said, "Looking back, that was wrong of us. We should have sought out churches that could minister to our children and include them in worship."
    My parents took my sister and me to a small church that didn't have a children's program. I gained so much from the experience of going to a small church...and yes, it had an 'elderly' congregation.
    Tamara. I wouldn't trade it for the opportunity to go to a larger one with children's ministries. I am a member of a larger church now....with children's ministries, etc. I love them. Don't get me wrong. They are grandchildren love each and every aspect of the children's ministry....but looking back on my childhood....the attending of a small church with my parents (even without a children's ministry) is something I wouldn't trade for anything. The love of the Lord was evident in His the worship of Him....and I loved every single moment of worshipping there....being there and "reading" the hymn book (even when I couldn't) and singing ...praying when it was time to pray....closing my little eyes during prayer time...sitting reverently during the service....even though a lot of the times I didn't know what the sermon was about...I still loved worshipping...I learned a lot from being there. Respect. Worshipful attitude...and so much more. I don't want you to feel bad one tiny moment....not even a second....because you see, for me, even as a very very young child, the worship was a loving, spiritual, and a growing experience. (Even into adolescence and young adulthood.) Yes, I still attended a small church without any special ministries... until I was 22....and loved it...and loved my parents for taking me and attending with me.
    When I was 22, I married, and attended a church with my that I still attend with him today. It is larger...has more ministries....but my foundation in the smaller church with an "older" congregational population....without children's ministries....sigh... I wouldn't trade that foundation for anything.
    I love you, my friend.

  2. Well I think that is a wonderful idea Tamara. I forget things so easily so I have been writing things down in several journals for my children.
    I read Jackies comment and really agree with her. When I was a young girl I too went to a church that didn't have a childrens program. It was my uncles church. He was the Pastor there.
    Many years later after moving from up north to here, we found a new church. I remember walking through the doors the very first day 10 years ago. It was like coming home again. Our congregation is mostly "older" too, and thats why I love it so much!!
    Have fun with your family blog, add lots of photos!! Love Di ♥

  3. Jackie! Thank you so much for that insight - I needed to hear it. I must admit, there were a number of the 'older women' who took my then teenaged daughter under their wing! She was so loved by them.

    Always good to hear from you Di! Thanks for the affirmation about the smaller church. And pictures! Hadn't thought about that. Now to scan them in. Great idea!


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