Friday, September 2, 2011

Reinventing Ourselves

I read Rebecca’s blog at Life & Godliness the other day.  They were talking about ‘when I became “Rebecca” instead of “Becky”.’  I couldn’t comment as I’ve been having some difficulty doing that with Blogger of late.  I did think it might be an interesting topic.

 
For most of my ‘young’ life, I was Tammy.  My family and friends from school still call me that.  It sounds almost foreign now when someone calls me Tammy.  I even correct people when they try to call me Tammy.  You see, I reinvented myself at the age of 23.  No more “Tammy” but my given name of “Tamara” would be my preference.  (I’ve learned that no matter how many times someone reinvents themselves, their name will still be mispronounced!)  My name is Tamara – pronounced like camera, not Ta·MARE·a, not Ta·MAR·a.



I had gone through a particularly difficult first marriage and survived.  I was a single mother of young daughter and working a menial job full time for minimum wage.  I often refer to it as the time my daughter and I both ‘grew up’. 

We lived in Government subsidized housing and qualified for food stamps due to our income.  It was a difficult time of my (our) lives.  I believe I came out better and more empathetic for the experience.  I now know and believe some persons can use government assistance as a temporary help to pick themselves up and go on to better life and existence.

I remember the depression, the hurt, the emotional pain of divorce.  I recall that it was like death only you didn’t have the benefit of the dearly departed actually being… deceased.

We were young when we married.  Very young.  The divorce was inevitable.  It wasn’t his fault.  It wasn’t my fault.  It was both our faults.  We didn’t know how to have a relationship without being selfish and self serving.  It was the 70’s and we were so full of ourselves.

I struggle at times with what to share on this blog.  It is so public and I could maintain a persona of someone I WANT or DESIRE to be, but not who I really am or where I’ve been.  I now know that God has allowed all of this in my life to help form and shape me into the person He wishes me to be and become.  I am still a work in process and uniquely qualified to relate to some persons that perhaps others cannot.

Do any of you struggle with how to portray yourselves on Blogger?  For all my warts and for all my faults, I am merely the Wretch the song is all about.


Job 38:2-11
Contemporary English Version (CEV)

2Why do you talk so much
when you know so little?
3Now get ready to face me!
Can you answer
the questions I ask?
4How did I lay the foundation
for the earth?
Were you there?
5Doubtless you know who decided
its length and width.
6What supports the foundation?
Who placed the cornerstone,
7while morning stars sang,
and angels rejoiced?
8When the ocean was born,
I set its boundaries
9and wrapped it in blankets
of thickest fog.
10Then I built a wall around it,
locked the gates, 11and said,
"Your powerful waves stop here!
They can go no farther."


Tamara