Saturday, January 7, 2012

Slow Dancing

Have you ever noticed that as you hold a baby, you instinctively started to sway?  It’s a slow dance of sorts, one in which we sway to the rhythm of love.  This sway happens with babies because it calms, soothes and comforts them.  It is an instinctive move, built into the very core of our being. 

I wonder how many times in a given day God would like to rush down, snatch us up, and sway with us to the rhythm of His heart, of His love.  How often would God like to break through all the other voices and noises in our lives to reassure us that we’re OK?  We’re going to make it.  We’re loved.  We’re cared for.  We’re not alone…  

I’ve noticed this same swaying rhythmic dance when I’m hurting – either an actual physical hurt or an emotional hurt.  Tears can be streaming down my face and I am rocking, rocking, rocking…  My conversations with God at times like this are more of a rant rather than a prayer.   

Whether you feel, or think, or believe you are not worthy of God’s love doesn’t matter.  You can’t change His love.  You are the beloved of God.  Nothing you do, say, or choose can change God’s love.  Nothing — not time, not death, not life, not culture, evil, good — can change who you are.  You are the beloved of God.  

We can try to fill our lives with other loves, other ‘things’, and worldly distractions but it is as St. Augustine said, our hearts are restless until they rest in God.  We will always be out of step, out of sway, until we know and live as people who are truly loved by God. 

It’s been a rather difficult several weeks for our family, for our extended family.  We are hurting.  We are hurting for the poor choices that have been made. For the all too familiar past that has been repeated and for the consequences that have inevitably followed.  Our son is in jail.  This is due to his poor choices, his lies, his behavior and his lack of discipline.  He has lost his job and his family. 

For half his life, he has been defiant and has had run-ins with the law.  He's an addict and Meth is his drug of choice.  I am angry.  I am hurt.  I am trying to find within my being the capacity for forgiveness… yet again.  My biggest concern is the children he is leaving in his wake. 

I struggle with how transparent I wish or want to be with this blog.  How much should I or will I share.  I do not wish to come across as Saint Tamara the Pious because I struggle with the day-to-day issues.  I struggle with the hurts of having a rebellious son who just seems to be caught up in a Peter Pan syndrome and refuses to grow up. 

Yet try as I might, I have difficulty realizing the choices he makes are just that – his choices and his decisions.  Inevitably they will be his regrets.  For now, I have to back away from this situation.  That sounds cold, doesn’t it? 

So my prayer for now, for today is that the God of all comfort will envelope me, my husband, our son and those he has left in his wake and sway with us in the rhythm of His love.

Did you notice the new background design - a quilt.  A "comforter"... comfort from the Comforter.  I so need to be surrounded and wrapped in His love, His grace, and His comfort.

2 Corinthians 1:3
Common English Bible

3 May the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ be blessed! He is the compassionate Father and God of all comfort.